Most people dislike small talk. There can sometimes be an inhrently false chuminess involved that can make anyone feel like a phony. Those of us who are somewhat introverted especially dread the feeling of emptiness that can accompany a short conversation with someone you don’t really know. For others, it’s an enjoyable experience. But most of us could use a few tips on how to come off to a new acquaintance. Remember, almost every important relationship in your life – at work or elsewhere – started with some simple small talk. So here are 9 things to keep in mind the next time you step into a elevator with one other person who you kinda sorta know but not really.
1.) Calm down and think logically–In order for small talk to be a possibility, the person you’re going to be talking to pretty much has to largely be a stranger. If that’s the case, then he or she knows very little about you, has no expectations of you, and doesn’t know about whatever you think you have to be anxious about. Small talk is written on a blank slate, and there’s no reason to assume that anyone will think negatively of you. Think of it as an opportunity to present a version of yourself who isn’t worried about how they come off.
2.)Talk in 20-second bursts–Experts say you’ve got a 20-second window each time you open your mouth before you risk boring a stranger or seeming self-involved. There are some cases where you’re on a passionate run and you’ll want to speak for a longer period, but remember that it’s easily to alienate someone by blathering on and on. Remember the “small” in small talk and keep it brief. You want to make sure you come off as curious about the other person.
3.) If you’re afraid of being dull, then don’t be–The cliché is to bore the other person by talking about the weather, which doesn’t even make for particularly interesting conversation with immediate family let alone a new acquaintaince. So don’t bore the other person. Talk about something interesting, go fishing for what the other person might want to talk about, or tell a can’t-miss story that’s worked in the past.
4.) Listen–When we get nervous during small talk, we tend to prattle on to make sure there aren’t any dead spots. But you run the risk of seeming a self-obssessed bore if you get into a yammering rut. So remember that the rules aren’t any different than if you were talking to an old friend: you listen, you nod, you respond, you don’t look anxiously around the room, and you don’t ever pull out your phone unless it’s an emergency.
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5.) Prepare some talking points–If you really don’t know what to talk about, think of a few topics as you drive over. A few new movies or television shows you’ve seen, an interesting news item, a new urban legend, anything that could work for any conversation with anyone you don’t know that well.
6.) Make sure you know the person’s name–Make sure the other person knows you caught their name. That means repeat it when you are introduced, and use it once or twice in the conversation. It’s a great way to show you’re listening and that you care to talk to the person in question.
7.) Discuss the occasion or location–When and if all else fails, remember you and the person you’re talking to are both there for some reason, so talk about that. Talk about the company or the event or the way the room is designed. Find out if you know any people in common and you might hit on a rich vein of conversation.
8.) Ask for advice–An always flattering move. To ask someone you barely know for advice is to show an open-mindedness that is sure to charm and interest anyone. Ask if they know of any good restaurants, or who cuts their hair, or if there’s any new music that they like. They’ll instantly feel like you’re treating them as a real person, which is the heart of the “small talk” matter.
9.) Establish a “rescue signal”– This only works if you’re not at the function alone, but ask your companion to keep an eye out for a “rescue signal” you may be flashing, indicating you need them to come over with an excuse – ANY excuse – to get you out the small talk situation.
