There are about as many varieties of the annoying coworker as there are species on earth. Some of the common offenders: the coworker who doesn’t shut up; the coworker who always seems to be in a bad mood; the coworker who takes every opportunity to undermine your work; and, perhaps most offensive, the coworker who microwaves leftover fish for lunch on the regular.
Whatever your battle, you’re not alone. One in three people say they have a coworker who makes them want to quit their job, according to a poll by Comparably.
While confronting a problem is always challenging, there are some steps to help you ease the burden. And don’t be afraid to get someone else involved if the problem is persistent or particularly delicate; it’s not up to you to solve everything on your own. A boss or trusted colleague should be able to offer you some wisdom.
Here’s some advice.
Put yourself in their shoes.
Empathy is a critical skill for all of us. If you’re finding yourself consistently frustrated with a coworker, take a bit of time to put yourself in that person’s shoes – Is there a reason she might be coming over to talk all the time? Is there a reason he might be in a constant bad mood? Some of what you might be interpreting as a personality flaw could be a circumstantial problem that you may or may not be able to help with, but is worth considering as you find yourself getting flustered.
Avoid becoming a gossip.
Disliking a coworker does not give you permission to badmouth them. Resist the urge to complain to your whole office about the problems you have with your colleague; while others may have the same frustrations, having weekly bashing sessions is not going to remedy the issue. If you feel you want to share your thoughts with someone (after all, we’re all human and sharing problems is natural), do it with a coworker you trust and don’t make it a habit.
Address the situation directly but respectfully.
The type of coworker situation you have will dictate how you proceed here. If it’s something mildly annoying (i.e. – a coworker constantly copies you on emails that you don’t need to be copied on, or your cubicle buddy has his music too loud), ask to get lunch with the person and sneak in a quick chat about it. Say, “My inbox is exploding and I’m trying to cut down – would you mind only copying me in when it’s absolutely relevant?” or “I feel like a jerk for asking but is there any way you can lower the music on your headphones? I am useless if things aren’t pretty quiet while I’m working.”
Related: Workplace Diversity: Why It’s So Important Right Now
Decide whether it’s worth getting your manager involved.
If something can’t be resolved directly, it may be worth having your boss intervene. They can help you figure out how to proceed, or elevate the conversation to HR if there’s something more serious going on.
Create distance.
Can you move desks? Physical distance can help some problems, but not all. If you’ve done all you can and nothing has changed, it may be time to consider a new department, or even a new company. Use employee data from sites like Comparably to determine the companies that have the culture and workplace environment you’re craving.
With a bit of help, even the most mind-boggling coworker problem can reach a resolution.
