One of the greatest predictors of whether you will stay at a job is your boss. When your relationships with your manager is healthy, the sky’s the limit — you feel challenged, happy, seen. When it’s not, it’s hard to get through it.
There are infinite reasons why someone might dislike their boss, but often it comes down to a breakdown of trust and respect, or having values that are at odds. For many people, it’s a feeling that their boss is constantly looking over their shoulder: indeed, 39% of respondents in a recent study by Comparably said being a micromanager was the worst trait in a boss. The next most-popular response was “overly critical” (22%). The least popular responses were “disorganized” (16%), “know-it-all” (14%) and “impatient” (9%).
Whatever the reason, it’s worth asking yourself the following questions to help yourself get by.
What, specifically, has my boss done to upset me?
When you’re deeply angry or hurt, it’s easy for your mind to spiral. Suddenly, even the most minor infractions seem unforgivable. Put down your thoughts on paper: What were the circumstances and instances where your boss behaved in a way he or she shouldn’t have? Was it a one-off, or is the behavior repeated? If there are serious problems or violations of safety or discrimination laws, it’s worth advancing the discussion with HR — but in cases where the behavior is poor but not legally objectionable, there may be some other questions to consider first.
Am I part of the problem?
Do you feel your boss has it out for you? Check your own behavior. If you come in late and constantly miss important meetings, and your boss seems to give you the cold shoulder more than anyone else, you might be the problem. This is true more often than you might think, so don’t ignore the problem or pretend it doesn’t apply. Luckily, it’s also a problem that’s within your ability to correct.
Can I address these concerns with my boss directly?
In many situations, it’s uncomfortable to have an open discussion with someone about their behavior. But as long as you’re approaching your boss with respect, and are open about wanting to improve the situation, there’s a good chance for success. To lighten the mood and avoid interruptions, suggest a lunch meeting. You might find that the boss you call a monster is more human than you realize.
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How are other people interacting with my boss?
Observe the way your colleagues interact with your manager. They may have found a way to navigate around his/her unpleasant quirks. You can ask your coworkers for advice as well, so long as you aren’t putting them in an uncomfortable position. For example, instead of saying “How come Michael always yells at me when I raise my hand during meetings?” say something like “How can you tell when Michael is open to hearing our input?”
Would it make sense to quit my job?
You may love your job, and feel it would be a shame to leave just because you can’t stand your boss. But if all of your efforts seem to have led to no resolution, it may be worth looking to transfer internally or going to another company altogether. The move doesn’t have to be a bad one — use sites such as Comparably to determine how employees feel about a given employer’s culture and compensation. For example, here’s a look at how employees rate Amazon on management, diversity, pay, and overall happiness.
With a bit of thought and the patience and willingness to make it through, you won’t be stuck hating your boss forever.
