Most of us want to come into a work environment that’s peaceful, fun and inspiring. But not everyday is perfect, and sometimes we find ourselves making embarrassing mistakes, butting heads with colleagues or struggling to handle a trying situation with grace.
If you’ve ever found yourself in this place, you know how terrible it can feel and how quickly it can damage your reputation if not properly addressed. When leaders fail to acknowledge their own shortcomings and mistakes, it often breeds a toxic culture. Meanwhile, addressing bad behavior and seeking for positive interactions with your colleagues has been shown to be good for morale and productivity.
Luckily, there are some basic steps to apologizing the right way.
Here’s some advice on how to apologize at work.
1. Be deliberate.
There’s often a creeping feeling that sets in when you’ve acted in a way that’s not your best. Don’t let that feeling linger by waiting to bump into the person or people you’ve disappointed in the hopes that you can then apologize. Seek them out as soon as you know you’ve done wrong and avoid hours, days and possibly weeks of awkwardness. These sorts of conversations are best had in person or by phone; try to avoid email unless you don’t have another option.
2. Accept responsibility.
Lost your temper in the heat of the moment? Failed to email your coworker the presentation on time? Whatever the situation is, own up to it. Yes, your coworker may not be entirely innocent in the situation, but whatever mistake or infraction you made needs to be dealt with. Say something like “I want to apologize for the way I behaved in the meeting this morning — it was wrong to get so visibly angry and I’m so sorry to have made it so uncomfortable for you.” Be genuine in your delivery — put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about what he or she might want to hear from you. Also, be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view — you may find that the other person wants to share his or her own perspective on the situation, and it’s fair to give them that space.
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3. Don’t grapple for excuses.
Little kids look for excuses all the time, but you’re an adult. Don’t look for ways to blame your actions on someone else. In situations where there really was some circumstance that led to the situation, it’s fair to mention that, but your actions are still your own. This could sound something like: “It’s been a stressful week but that doesn’t excuse my behavior in any way. I was wrong to say what I said and I’m so sorry.”
4. Vow to do better.
What makes an apology truly effective is an acknowledgment of your ability to do better in the future. Communicate this effectively to the person or people you’ve disappointed. It sounds something like: “Next time we do a project like this, I’ll make sure to be more organized.” The most important bit here is that you stick to it: empty words won’t win anyone over.
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5. Stop hating yourself.
Often, we’re our toughest critics. Just because we’ve made a mistake or acted poorly doesn’t mean we’re forever banished from the good graces of our coworkers. If you’ve apologized in a genuine and meaningful way, and vowed to do better in the future, there’s no reason to continue to feel like the worst person on earth. Everyone makes mistakes, so don’t beat yourself up too much.
